He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
