I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
