Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
