I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
