Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
