Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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