The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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