That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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