This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
