if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
