i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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