What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....