Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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(720): View more from Colorado

I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

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(512): View more from Texas

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus

(1-317): View more from Indiana

tequila?

(317): View more from Indiana

yep

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(210): View more from Texas

im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Can I chase this vodka with an onion?

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(435): View more from Utah

I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.

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