lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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