I wish you could order shots online.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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