Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
