Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
