apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
