I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
