Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
