Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
