I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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