you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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