My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
