he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
