I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
