I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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