Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
