Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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