Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
