I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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