I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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