I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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