I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
