I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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