if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
