why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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