Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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