I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
