you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
