I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
