Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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