I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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