I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
