tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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