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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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