just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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