Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
