we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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