and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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