but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize