i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
