Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can't motorboat a personality
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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