he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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