can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
