How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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