Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
