Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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