I can text with my tongue
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
