I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
