i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
