Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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