Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
