Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
