i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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