I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
