The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
