maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
