You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
