if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
