well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
