Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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