so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
