weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
