My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
