I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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