The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
