peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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