I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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